he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
