I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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