I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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