I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
