I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
