You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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