scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wear drunk well.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
