Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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