I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
