Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
