Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize