She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
