I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
