nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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