Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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