Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
