Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Found the puke drawer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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