so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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