just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
