do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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