You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
