ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
