i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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