did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
