your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
