apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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