Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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