My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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