I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
