I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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