I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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