Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
