Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
