yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I forget how to act sober
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