omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
