she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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