so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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