He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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