bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
