I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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