just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
