I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
