I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
