I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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