who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
