The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
