my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Acid is not a monday night drug
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
