could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
