don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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