I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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