I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
