Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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