man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
