Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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