Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
