seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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