i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
