There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
