I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
