Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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