Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
