Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
