wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
