there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
soo... how was my night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
