In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
