It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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