this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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