Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
