turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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