worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
