did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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