question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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